I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
