I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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