i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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