she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
