Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
not ubering you a puppy
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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