Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
