I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
