I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
