i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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