forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
