i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
