DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
