My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
