hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
