Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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