Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
