he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
