My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
