When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
