its not stalking. its research.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter