i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.