my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.