I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?