tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.