You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.