bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
