Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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