Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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