What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
