ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
