Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cannot find my penis.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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