We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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