someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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