I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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