What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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