I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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