i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
