i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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