i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My penis needs a shock collar
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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