I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
