i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
