have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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