Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
