Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
