Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
