god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
