I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
