going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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