so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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