An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
