Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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