you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize