Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
