1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
