I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
