I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize