So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize