Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
