3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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