at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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