I didn't shave. On purpose
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
