I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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