i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
