remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
