I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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