Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
