He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
