Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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