Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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