Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
