Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes