What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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