i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I believe in your delicious
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
