This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
