I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
