oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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