He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
