No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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