I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
