just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
